Christmas Handicap 2016, Carbeth

The Resurrection of Mr Turnbull

Apparently, the terrible news spread around East Kilbride like wildfire back in 2015; Drew Turnbull had popped his clogs and Don was, naturally, shocked and upset. He was even more shocked today to be greeted by the same Drew, looking hale and hearty and no worse that when he had last seen him (albeit sporting some designer stubble, perhaps in memory of  George Michael?). Turns out that reports of his death had been greatly exaggerated and that he had merely fallen off his bike. However, you know what these Kilbridonians are like, absolutely prone to exaggeration (ask JD about the ‘elbow incident’ when the Nationals were last at Cupar and you’ll understand what I mean).

Still, the angels rejoiced and sang Hallelujah at the surprise resurrection. It was very good indeed to have Drew and Margaret back in their rightful position on the startline, standing for no nonsense as far as appeals on the handicapping were concerned.

But where were the under-40s? With the notable exception of Fiona and Ian Hutchie, they were nowhere to be seen. So, with only a dozen actual competitors, the Hutchies sensed the opportunity to stuff the race with their own, bringing in son Ian as the scratch runner. However, this clever ploy failed to net any actual prizes, leaving the Hutchies to sulk off early after the event, mumbling some excuse or other about having to go back to the grandchildren!

The race itself was as normal; 12 athletes in various disguises causing mayhem and consternation around the streets and lanes of Carbeth. Muffy was first home, her first appearance after an absence of some years. Gordon Mac came in second, steaming ahead of Don Reid in 3rd place, the only Superman known to require the assistance of his wife to pull on his underpants; be thankful, Lois Lane! Meanwhile, John Quinn wore a pair of underpants that frankly would have looked humumgous even on Charlie Campbell.

The good news obviously was the non-demise of DT. The not-so-good news was the demise of The Carbeth Inn. So the non-Hutchie contingent headed down instead to the Kirkhouse Inn for the presentation, where refreshments and mince pies were enjoyed by all.

Results (position, name, handicap time, actual time)

1 Muffy 28:56, 27:56

2 Gordon M 29:53, 21:53

3 Don 30:10, 22:10

4 Fiona H 31:27, 31:27

5 Fiona Main 31:34, 30:34

6 Ian H 31:47, 18:47 (fastest time)

7 John H 32:30, 27:30

8 Rod F 32:33, 21:33

9 Dave 32:43, 23:43

10 John Q 32:47, 25:47

11 Helen 32:48, 28:48

12 David Dickson 33:01, 24:01

Big thanks to the reincarnated Drew, Margaret and Elma for officiating!