Glasgow to Edinburgh Canal Relay 2004

Westies Reports Are Offensive-It’s Official

Yes, it’s true. Apparently some clubs have taken umbrage at comments made in recent race reports, so I promise to use discretion and care in everything I write from now on!

Thanks to I**R and the rest of H*T for hosting the wonderfully minimally organised Canal Relay again this year.It was indeed a great day out in fine weather (too b***** warm!) and Westies maintained their fine record of retaining the wooden spoon; literally in this case, as that’s what we used as a baton.

There was a worrying few moments at the start of stage 1, from Speirs Wharf, when Muffy was lying ahead of another wumman from H*T. Although Muffy has reportedly cuffed the said Tr***er on several occasions in the recent past, she managed to be overtaken in the second half, thereby making life easier for the rest of us. First Ana, then Blair, Ian, Dave, Jane, Drew and Charlie all managed to finish their stages in last place. Admittedly Charlie only managed to avoid catching Fi** by visiting the bog in Ratho and missing the changeover with Drew, but otherwise it was a classic, steady Westies performance, which certainly met the H*T criteria of being non-elitist. John D capped a fine day for Westies by competing for that fine medium-to-large running club in the **** side of G*****w (Sh*********)on the 5th stage. He took over with a substantial lead and promptly lost it to the host club.

So, a brilliant day out and no scandal to report. I’m pleased about that because I wouldn’t want to offend anyone from ************, those perennial small-to-medium sized whingers from the ***** side of *******! No interest from media personalities either, although I recall that Muffy was interviewed on Newsnight a few months back, Charlie once appeared on Fred Macauley’s Radio Scotland programme after his record-breaking exploits, Jane used to be the pinup girl in the late, lamented “Scotland’s Runner” and I once won a pair of Billy McNeil shinguards in the Evening Citizen! Come to think of it, Westies are jam-packed full of celebrities, so why do we need to mix with other megastars?

What other media connections with Westies members have I missed?

Results

Stage 1 Port Dundas to The Stables: Muffy 60:15

Stage 2 The Stables to Twechar: Ana 38:54

Stage 3 Twechar to Underwood: Blair 56:00

Stage 4 Underwood to Flakirk Glen Village: Ian 51:14

Stage 5 Falkirk Glen Village to Linlithgow: Dave 57:29

Stage 6 Linlithgow to Winchburgh: Jane 43:07

Stage 7 Winchburgh to Ratho: Drew 61:26

Stage 8 Ratho to Fountain Brewery: Charlie 54:48

Final position;last.

For official distances to 2 decimal places, see Charlie, who is obviously joining the sad gits who have got nothing better to do with their time!